A Guy's Guide to Romance

Part 1

What is It?

All right.  We all love women but now and then we just need to talk among us guys, the same as they get together for girl talk. If they were here I'd have to say "woman talk," I know. I'm not making fun of them, but I'll admit it's nice to not be on guard for a little while. Pardon me while I go get a beer.

That's better, now where was I? Oh yeah. We all know the stereotypical male response to romance, it's a panicked look followed by a desire for a quick escape. If you're experiencing those symptoms already, take a deep breath and calm yourself by thinking of something soothing like hooking a lunker bass or the Yankees getting beat (unless you're a New Yorker, in which case you can think of them winning). Romance can not only be painless, it can actually be enjoyable and have rewards. Rewards, you ask? Com'on, Lucky, don't try to snow me. But rewards I said, and rewards I meant. Like making a good impression when your buddies are striking out. Like actually expanding your horizons and enjoying life a little more. Like feeling some of that enthusiasm for life that you used to have. And for some real motivation, you might have a better chance to score, or if you're married, of scoring more often. Yes, it could happen to you.

The first thing to realize is that you don't have to turn into someone different than who you are. There are romantic bull riders and linebackers and construction workers. Honest. Being romantic has nothing to do with getting all moony over a long-wilted flower, or with bowing and kissing hands. It has to do with an attitude toward life, and that attitude is to notice the good things while trying to create more of them. In terms of the opposite sex, it's simply a matter of creating a feeling of appreciation. Don't you like it if someone makes you feel special, whether it's by feeling your bicep or baking you cookies? That's really the whole thing in a nutshell.

I have to point out that we're actually going for some sincerity here, not trying to learn how to pull a con job in order to get laid. In the short term you may be able to put on an act, but I wouldn't count on it. And in the long term, forget it. Woman's romance radar may be fooled briefly, but eventually it penetrates the fog. I don't want to be there when that happens.

I've taken a little survey of my male friends, and discovered the greatest obstacle to romantic behavior: fear of being laughed at. Yes, over 80% of the guys in this survey expressed fear of ridicule by their buddies. And this while expressing a grudging admiration for guys who knew how to "be romantic". See anything wrong with this picture? If you imagine romance as unmanly, let me remind you Samurai warriors were expected to excel at things like calligraphy, poetry and flower arranging. If you laughed at them they'd chop your head off. I call that manly as hell.

This would be a good time, if you can wade through it, to read my essay The Practical Romantic.

Then go to page 2, where we can take our first tentative steps to melting the hearts of the opposite sex, with flowers. Just relax, flowers are harmless. Trust me.

Page 2: Flowers